Denial

Every now and then, I try to convince myself that I don't really have diabetes ("it's just a reaction to some medication that causes my bloodsugar to be high") or fibromyalgia ("it's withdrawal from the pain meds I've had to take for kidney stones so often") and then I have a week like this last one.

I went to see my endocrinologist last week (who treats the diabetes), and my blood sugar was too high (I still think his meter was off - oops, there goes that denial again). He read me the riot act and begged me to try his very strict diet, exercise more, lose some weight, take my meds, etc and come back in a week. This based on one high reading. (That's not to say I didn't need to be scolded - remember, I'm still trying to be in denial.)

So, I modified my diet, took my meds more regularly, didn't really exercise, but I thought about it, and went back a week later. This time my weight was the same, my blood pressure was higher, but the blood sugar reading was fine. Based on one reading again, he said, "Good, we're back on track to making you well." He didn't check my meter...didn't ask me about my diet or exercise. Frustrating. But I am still trying again to be "good."

About the fibromyalgia...my life has been much less stressful now that my nest is "empty" - son and daughter off to college, and my temp job has ended, and I figured that since my pain has been less, I must not really have fibro. It's never been as bad as some cases are, anyway, and I have had other reasons for the pain (kidney stone recently passed - yay!). So last night, my hubby and I went for a 2-mile walk. I was tired when we got home, but not unusually so. My fibro dr has been telling me to exercise more frequently but for less time - perhaps 30 min every day instead of long walks, but (say it with me now) I'm in denial, so I figured 2 miles (45 - 60 min walk) wasn't too much. I'd been feeling so much better, right?

Today, I hurt in so many places, I'm astounded. I had misplaced my watch and found it today so I was wearing it loosely, and even the weight of the watch against my forearm hurt. My legs hurt, even the soles of my feet hurt!

Hopefully, I've learned my lesson by now, and will do better in the future - trust God even when I don't understand, accept my limitations, and follow the regimens prescribed by my army of doctors.

In spite of the pain, today has been a good day - I got to sleep in some with my hubby, put away all my laundry (clean and dirty) that had stacked up at the end of the bed, reorganized the contents of my handbag, straightened my dresser, tidied the living room and kitchen, cooked dinner (although no one came - that's another post all by itself!), scrubbed the bathroom tub (hubby cleaned the carpets last weekend and the grunge ended up in the bottom of the tub), and even straightened my desk...

In other news(?), I am officially in menopause now, and all is well in that department. Interesting coincidence with empty nest phase. And I decided to have my hair trimmed (it's been 6 weeks since the last one), and this hairdresser layered the back and top so I look quite "perky", I think. Maybe I'll post another picture so you can see it.

Hubby just got home - I'll go eat with him. Thank you God, for blessing me with him.