These are pictures of our youth group's Christmas party - it was great fun...except my two "youts" were not here. :(

Hopefully looking at these pictures will bring Daniel joy, even though he is far from home.

Beating the blahs

Well, yesterday was a hard day for me...our minister recently left (on good terms, but looking for new challenges), the weather was gloomy, my children will not be home for Christmas, and I had too much work to do.

I managed to do a little bit of work, decorated the tree (by myself), finished knitting two caps, went to a very short meeting last night (only 1 hour - yay!), and actually transcribed the minutes last night after the meeting. Even watched half of Survivor Guatemala (which is almost over, and I haven't been following because of my excessive Thursday night meetings). While I was gone, Ken took Roger shopping and put up Christmas lights outside on both houses.

Slept 7 hours with my "machine" last night, and woke up this morning with a totally different attitude. Don't know if it's the machine or the Christmas spirit finally kicking in. Walked with Grandma for 45 minutes today, and just went grocery shopping. I'm planning to make cookies later (chocolate chip and sugar cookies - with icing yet) for a funeral tomorrow, and for a Christmas party at church tomorrow evening.

Also need to do laundry...maybe lower the price of the rolltop (it's down to $100 now - still no interest whatsoever from Craigslist customers).

Hope your day is going as well!

desk dilemmas - anyone want a rolltop?

Wow, it's been almost a month since I posted...I'll be surprised if anyone ever reads this, but maybe you'll have some suggestions.

I work from home, transcribing minutes from various city boards/commissions/councils. So I need a good workspace to feel motivated to work and not play. I had a great desk, with side return and a hutch. For some reason I was enamored with the idea of having a rolltop desk. So I bought one, and practically gave away my great desk. Discovered almost immediately that the rolltop was too small. Dealt with it for a while, finally asked my hubby if I could look for something more appropriate. Found another great desk, he bought it for me, brought it home, set it up - it's huge! And heavy! I guess I'll deal with it, but somehow it doesn't have the same amount of space as the rolltop and now I'm bogged down trying to fit everything in a workable way. Blah! Not what I wanted to deal with - especially considering I still have to sell the rolltop now.

I guess the moral is - be grateful for what you have. Back to work now.

A prayer

Father, help me to renew my faith. Teach me again your ways. Change my heart, make me new, help me try again. As Paul said in Romans, "With my whole heart I agree with the Law of God. But in every part of me I discover something fighting against my mind, and it makes me a prisoner of sin that controls everything I do...Thank God Jesus Christ will rescue me." (Romans 7:22-25, CEV)

I fear that I will fail yet again. More than that, I fear that a (large) part of me doesn't want to change. Grant me courage, Lord, to start again. You know my sins, you know my heart. Have mercy, I pray.

Be with my "children" who are grown now and far off - remind them of your presence and your grace. I ask also for the one who is almost grown, that you will bless her future and guide her plans.

I ask you to bless our church leaders with wisdom, to bless our church family with greater faith and willingness to follow. Be with the leaders of our country as well, that we may continue to enjoy the blessings of liberty and freedom of thought.

Thank you, Lord, for Jesus, and the life he gave that we might know you better.

No one missed me...

So today I was very busy - church building, chiropracter, then back to church building, then home. (We're having a youth rally this weekend, and my husband just completed the new sound/video booth - had to make sure everything was working.) I expected to have tons of emails and at least a few phone messages, but the only emails were spam and there were no phone calls.

Sarah is camping, Daniel's in Germany, Ken & Ruth are at the church building, and I rarely hear from Grace. Not to mention my family, all of whom are in TX but me...

Don't know why I expected anything - don't get many calls/emails even when I am home. Guess all my friends are busy too. And they all know I check out bogus email stories at snopes.com, so they don't send them to me very much anymore.

My cats missed me though! They want to be fed about now, and one just walked on the piano keys in an effort to get my attention. Too funny.

Guess I could talk to God also...He misses me when I'm not "present".

Progress

So, today is day 2...so far I've had 2 odwalla bars and a banana. Blood sugar is good...and I walked 40 minutes with my mother-in-law. And I think I've had 3 glasses of water. I called my friend Jennifer (also diabetic) yesterday when I was so hungry. I was concerned that my blood sugar might be too low. She said not necessarily, the hunger means my body is burning fat stores! Yeah, that's what I need. So I've decided I will embrace the hunger, knowing that it means I'm making progress.

(Odwalla bars are a good choice for a diet bar - high fiber and protein, low sugar and fat.)

Choices

Well, I've now had two doctors tell me I need to lose weight. Actually, this second one I asked for, because I know he administers a weight-loss program. I figured it might be something like a liquid diet or something, but instead it consists of this for daily intake: 8 egg whites (or eggbeaters), 3 scoops of whey protein powder (mix with water or some other nonfat liquid), 6 servings of fruit, 10 servings of vegetables, and unlimited 0-calorie foods (ie artificial sweeteners, spices, etc.).

Here's my modified daily plan: 1-2 eggs, 3-4 servings of fruit, 6-8 servings of veggies (one can = 3.5 servings), 4-6 oz of chicken, and 1 cup rice/pasta/potatoes.

Here's what I've eaten today: 2 cereal bars, 1 banana, 1 c applesauce, 1 can green beans, 3 glasses of water, 10 hershey's kisses, 1 c milk, 1 odwalla bar. It's still 2 1/2 hours until dinner time, and I'm so hungry...

I also exercised for 15 minutes (Whoo-hoo) and will do some more.

The doc also gave me Fosamax samples and told me to take 4 per day, as well as Citracal (1 per day). But the samples are for 1-weekly Fosamax, which specifically say only 1 per week. That concerns me a bit. I know I should call him for clarification, but instead I'll search online first.

If I'm able to win this health battle, it will truly be a miracle!

Surrender

This past weekend I went to a ladies retreat on "surrender." It was so good, although challenging both spiritually and physically. I do want to surrender, but I find my old self resisting, fearful of what God may ask of me. The speaker made a good point that surrender is the only way to find true freedom, because once you surrender, God can take control and do what is best. (I'm not saying it as well as she did, but hopefully you get the picture.) The speaker's name was Shyll Bowen, and she's written a book called Longing for Home.

It was good to see old friends (I've lived in the bay area for 20+ years and I've been going to Daybreak for 10 years now) and to be able to leave behind the daily cares somewhat.

Now I'm home and back to the grind. Trying anew to put God first, and self last.

What is it about math?

I am amazed at the number of people in service jobs who can't do math. Not just the cashier who relies on the register to tell how much change to give...I have a copying job I need done today. When I went to the first business (I won't mention names, but it is a prominent office supply store), I told the person in the print services center how many originals I have (40), how many sets I need (60) and that I wanted them back-to-back and 3-hole punched. She quoted me a price of $75 roughly. Seemed reasonable, if a bit too good to be true. So...

I called the same place today to confirm the cost. The young man who answered the phone, given the same information, quoted $168...a bit different from $75. When I mentioned that an employee in the print services center had said $75, he said (and I'm not making this up), "Well, I have to go now." I said, "Are you talking to me?" He said, "yes, just come into our print services center and talk to them in person." (Which, you will recall, I did yesterday.) So I said, "Can you transfer me to them?" And he did.

I asked the person who answered that phone the same question, and she said it would be $311. ARGGGH! I think she basically doubled the amount I needed, but still - double would have been $336.

I called another well-known copy service center to get another quote. The man who took the call first quoted me $9.00 (as in NINE DOLLARS). I questioned that quote, so he asked my info again, and then said $264.

The third place I called, gave the same info, and the guy said, "So, 280 copies, right?" First of all it would be ten times that (60 x 40), but his math was wrong anyway, because 6 x 4 = 24.

And one of these fine establishments wouldn't let my 17-year old daughter work there (in spite of the fact that she is a high-school grad, national merit semifinalist and AP scholar).

I don't get it.

(Sorry for the gripy tone - I actually find the whole thing amusing, but a little riduculous.)

Introducing us

Here's a picture of me with my husband and daughter. We have two other daughters, Sarah and Grace, and a son in Germany. God has blessed us beyond what I could have imagined (Ephesians 3:20-21). But I miss the days of chaos and noise that filled our home when they were younger.

Warning

Well, all you eBayers, here's a cautionary tale.

This morning I received an email from eBay, saying my account was going to be suspended if I didn't "update" my info. Since my primary credit card has changed since I started with eBay, it seemed a reasonable request. Soooo I clicked on the link. It asked me to log in, so I did. Then it asked me to "verify" my credit card. Screeeech! (That's me hitting the brakes.) Wasn't there some notice I got once from eBay that said they would never ask for that info?

Sure enough, when I opened a new window and logged into eBay itself, there were no messages to me asking for account info. When I looked at the original email, I discovered it wasn't addressed to just me, but to many others as well. I can't believe I almost fell for such a scam (or spoof, as eBay refers to it). Consequently, since I had logged in on the bogus site, I had to change my eBay password, or they could have bought all sorts of things as "me". Whew!

So, be warned...eBay will not ask for confidential info through email. If you receive a suspicious email supposedly from eBay, forward it to spoof@ebay.com. Or, check by opening another window and log in to eBay independently to see if there are any important messages about your account.

Now you know.

My stubborn will

I may finally have a diagnosis for the pain I've been experiencing. It comes coincidentally(?) right after I prayed and told God I would let Him handle it - I would be willing for whatever He wanted for my life, even if it was a life of pain and struggle. Hmm. I won't go into the details of the diagnosis or the exact pain, #1 because it's embarassing, and #2 because it's irrelevant. But it could've been determined months ago, and at first, that was my cry - why did it take six months if the answer is so simple? I was expressing this to a friend, who said, "Remember, M, you said all you wanted was to know what it was. Now you have that." I realized she was right. Not only that, and my earlier prayer of "relinquishment", but if the doctors had found this problem 6 months ago, I wouldn't have reached the stage of relinquishment, and they wouldn't have found two other medical problems that were discovered during all the testing (and that are relatively easy to correct). So there was a purpose to the timing.

Now I have to learn to surrender daily in terms of what I eat (and don't eat), in order to overcome the pain. (Yes, it is affected by what I eat.)

A message to those of you who are younger and think, "There's plenty of time later to eat right, exercise, etc. etc. " Later may come sooner than you think! Take care of the body God gave you now so it can take better care of you later. (That almost sounds memorable.)

'Til another day,

M

Ah ha!

I admit it - when Sarah first suggested I do this (webjournal) I didn't understand the purpose. But after the day I've had (and it's still early afternoon), now I do.

First, my doctor told me last week I need to lose weight. Big surprise there...his point was that some of my continuing health problems and aches and pain may be improved if I lost the weight. He even suggested gastric bypass surgery...but his main point was Weight Watchers. So, I'm trying w/o weight watchers to restrict what I eat to healthy, more nutritional choices. A real challenge when there are Snickers candy bars in the building where you work! But I did it...I avoided the candy bars for today. (Yay me!) Still have the second half of the day to go, but I only work in the mornings. It's so much harder than I remembered to restrict my eating. I want to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it! But I need to be strong, if only to avoid another scolding from the doctor on Thursday. (I know my motivation should come from within rather than trying to please the doc, but I'm not there yet.)

Number 2, just so you know, Madalyn Murray O'Hair is no longer living. There is no threat to Christian radio or television programming through the FCC. That's all I'll say about it, but there's much more that could be said. See this site for more info: http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/fcc.asp

Anyway, Sarah is right. I feel better having posted. I hope in time that my posts will be less whiny in tone and more encouraging. Maybe as God changes me, you'll see a difference. Some good books on surrender (a recurrent theme for me this year) are Beyond Ourselves by Catherine Marshall, Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge (I think I got their names right...too settled/lazy to go find the book and verify it), and Joe Beam's books, Seeing the Unseen and Getting Past Guilt. I'm sure there are many more...surrender is such a big topic after all.

Happy birthday

Happy birthday, Sarah, Grace, Joel, and Linda. Also Evan M. (wherever you are), Roy J., Sawyer H. and Juan G. Whew...what a lot of people born on the same day...must have something to do with the fact that the Christmas season is 9 months previous!

I am so grateful to have had a life with Sarah and Grace...the lessons I have learned as a mother have taught me much about being a child of God! I remember one day being so frustrated with my four that I went outside and sat on our swing by myself. I was thinking, "If only they'd listen to me and do things the way I tell them - life would be so much easier then." Suddenly I wondered, is that how God feels about my lack of obedience?" Hmmm.

Similar thoughts have occurred about delayed obedience (you know, when the response is, "in a minute..." and the minute never comes.)

I am grateful for Joel and his love for God, Sarah and my grandchildren. His faithfulness is much appreciated. And I appreciate Linda too, for without her there would be no Joel and thus no Emmy or Denali!

As for Evan M., I never knew him well, just knew of him (his father was the minister many years ago at the church in Long Beach, CA - Evan was born after we left there), but if he is anything like his parents, he must be a godly man indeed.

For Roy J., Sean G. and Sawyer H.- (father, son-in-law and grandson) it's nice to see another family get involved in "our" birthday.

New beginning

Okay, Sarah, this is for you. It's 2:30 in the morning here in California, and I'm unable to sleep once again. I've been having random pains since about 1:00 p.m., and have taken 2-3 vicodin over that time period. Watched a wonderful movie on tv (The Inheritance, based on a book/story by Louisa May Alcott) from 10-12, called Daniel just after midnight to say goodbye and bon voyage, faxed a health form for him, and laid down to sleep at about 1:00. After an hour of dozing, I decided to get up and possibly do some praying, but decided to do this first. Hope you like it! :)

Today is going to be hard, especially because of the lack of sleep and my pain. There's a funeral this afternoon, and we're singing a couple of songs at the beginning with a small group. (Old songs: Asleep in Jesus, and Til the Storm Passes Over). I don't want to be in pain today of all days, because the focus should be on the deceased and his widow.

I'm praying that I can finally surrender my will to God's...I prayed some from 1-2 while I was trying to sleep, and I told Him that whatever He wants for me is what I want too. I want to stop fighting and trust His care again, as I once did. Maybe journaling will help me to come to terms with it all. I don't know how many people I'll share this journal with, though, because it may be too personal. (And I may decide to quite using it after a time.)

Anyway, for better or worse, I'm in for the time being.