Struggles

Yes, I'm still struggling...with forgiveness, with eating, health, patience, you name it. At a ladies Bible class recently, we were looking at Philippians where it says "work out your salvation" and someone asked "what does it mean by that?" The answer came back, it means you have to work on it. I asked if it ever gets easier - the older women in the room said, no, just different struggles. I guess I have different struggles now than when I was younger, although it seems I get new ones but rarely get over the old ones. And whenever I think about changing, it's too hard and too painful to have to analyze why I am the way I am.

Tonight, it is very hot here. Our neighbors were having a swim party - a very loud swim party. When we had a pool and went swimming after dark (not even very late) I always tried to keep my kids from making too much noise - it seemed rude to be splashing and enjoying yourself while you know the neighbors are sweltering. But that's not even the issue. Houses today are very close together. The party seemed to me to get louder as time went on. I thought about just calling the police, but I decided to take a page out of Ken's book and just go ask them to keep it down. But they were so loud, I had to shout to be heard, right up next to our joint fence. It took about five minutes for them to realize I was there. Once I had their attention, I said, "IT's almost 11:00 o'clock, and my husband has to get up at 2:30 am. Do you think you could be quieter?" The response from one or two was "Sorry" but there were others who said, "Hey, it's Saturday night!" I repeated that my husband had to get up very early, and they said, "Who works on Sunday?!" I was tempted to say - um, doctors, policemen, firemen, airtraffic controllers, grocery store clerks, salespeople, NEWSPAPER CARRIERS. But I didn't. I just said, "thank you" and went back to my house. I could hear a few remarks and hoots and hollers for a few more minutes, but now it is quiet.

Why do I feel guilty for ruining their "fun" when they should feel regret for bothering a neighbor? Now I'm afraid they will take it out on our tenants who live between them and us, even though I still think what I did was better than calling the cops. It's so hard to get along in this world, and to live a Christlike example, while watching rude obnoxious selfish people who don't give a flip if they offend or bother you.

I know...I've been forgiven much too - my husband constantly forgives, as do my friends and my family. I just don't want to be me anymore. I want to be the person I should be, I want to not struggle anymore.

Well, Sarah, you wanted me to use this blog, and here I am again. I don't know how long I'll leave this post up, however, because I'm so embarassed to admit how weak I am...not that everybody else doesn't already realize that about me.

Guess I'd better go to bed.